Well, we are coming up on another Opening Day for our Saints softball teams. There is fresh excitement in the air. New softballs have been packed. Literature is neatly stacked in the literature bag. And everyone looks good wearing the Saints jerseys for the first time this year. But there is one problem. That elbow that our best outfielder said felt like spaghetti at the end of August is still hurting. That knee that made our shortstop look like he was playing hopscotch when he was running last year flared up as he shoveled snow in December. And those hamstrings that were pulled during the October crusade still feel as tight as piano wires.
Yes indeed, if you are a veteran Saints Prison Ministry missionary-athlete, you are bringing
more with you than your charm and wit - you are also bringing your collection of sports injuries! There isn’t much time so let’s get to work on the treatments.
Torn Meniscus
I had one missionary-athlete tell me that he had a torn meniscus and he was uncertain about how he would play the outfield this season. Instead of asking how he was feeling or what his recovery time was, I instantly started laughing at him. All of us who have done this for a while have a torn meniscus. If you don’t know what a meniscus is, then good news! That means you haven’t hurt it yet! The key for handling this injury is to act like you are too cool to run hard while you are desperately crying on the inside.
Treatment Options
-Under 40- walk it off
-Over 40- two Ibuprofen
Elbow Injuries
You may have had that one stretch where you could throw a ball from the outfield and hit the catcher on the fly. Well, that was way back when President Bush was still POTUS. No, not that President Bush, the first one…
Anyhow you might be in trouble because this is a tough injury to hide from. Don’t be afraid to be part of a triple cut-off when getting the ball back in from the outfield. The coach might be upset but chances are he may be in the middle of that relay throw as well.
Treatment Options
-Under 40- Two elbow stretches on each arm
-Over 40- Four Advil and 1.5 tubes of Icy Hot
Back Injuries
There is nothing worse than back pain but your team needs you out there to hobble around - even with your crummy lower back. The right way to fix it is with lots of stretching but, if you don’t like to stretch, you could blame it on an old football injury. This usually works on a Crusade; however, your regional team will quickly point out that you never played football and the only time you saw the field on Friday nights was when you were carrying around a tuba at half time!
Treatment Options
-Under 40- Tape an Aspirin to it
-Over 40- Horse Tranquilizer
Indigestion, heartburn, upset stomach, and symptoms to be named later...
Ok, ok, this isn’t a legit sports injury but this one sometimes affects our missionary athletes. A typical day may include a hotel breakfast, a gas station lunch, and some pizza for dinner. Unless you are one of the four guys in the ministry who eats appropriately while away from home, you are going to feel the effects at some point during the day.
Ok, ok, this isn’t a legit sports injury but this one sometimes affects our missionary athletes. A typical day may include a hotel breakfast, a gas station lunch, and some pizza for dinner. Unless you are one of the four guys in the ministry who eats appropriately while away from home, you are going to feel the effects at some point during the day.
Treatment Options
-Under 40- One can of Sprite or 7up
-Over 40- The recommended dose of Pepto Bismol plus
one Tums for each chicken wing you had the night before…followed by one can of Sprite or 7-UP!
Here’s to a big 2023 softball season for the ministry! May the bus rides home be full of good stories from our visits, fun time with teammates, and minimal visits to Urgent Care!
