The new Star Wars movie is finally out! I spent the whole month of December looking forward to seeing Episode VII. There are so many quotable scenes from Star Wars that are used in countless, everyday situations but here are some that apply to our Saints trips:
"They told me they fixed it! I trusted them to fix it! It’s not my fault!"- Lando Calrissian, Episode V - This refers to the Illinois bus. We have replaced every major component besides the hyperdrive and "while she don't look like much, she's got it where it counts!"
"You don't need to see his identification" - Obi Wan Kenobi, Episode IV- One critical requirement to get into prison is to have a driver's license. Since we wear uniforms with limited pocket space, this item tends to get lost on the bus, left at a restaurant, or just plain forgotten on a dresser at home. While the coach is working with security to get the ID-less MA cleared, some Star Wars geek on the team will be waving his hand in the air and whispering this quote!
“No. No. That's not true. That's impossible!” - Luke Skywalker, Episode V- Often said by a weeping missionary athlete who is trying to return home from a long crusade, only to find out that his flight has been cancelled. This particular missionary athlete can later be found crumpled on his knees and crying in front of the Departures board of the airport.
“I’ve got a bad feeling about this…” - Every character, every episode - This is used all of the time during a game day or crusade. It is often muttered when the inmate team’s best hitter is up, when there is a high chance of rain, or while we are waiting for late MAs to meet us at the bus. The time it is said the most, however, is when we are scheduled to eat with the inmates and we haven’t seen the food yet!
“Don't call me a mindless philosopher, you overweight glob of grease!”- C-3PO- Episode IV - Regrettably, this will be said during the devotions on day four of a crusade while discussing what it really means to understand the doctrine of predestination and election. This is the day when everyone is physically tired, their nerves are shot, and they just want to be home. Oh, and naturally it will also be the day that we get greasy pizza!
“Great shot kid! That was one in a million!” - Han Solo - Episode IV - Occasionally bad weather strikes and our softball teams have to play basketball in prison. When we use this quote, it isn’t as encouraging as it was in the movie. It’s really describing our actual shooting percentage for the game! There is a very good reason the ministry has two basketball teams and softball players aren’t asked to do this on a regular basis!
“R-2 says that the chances of survival are 725 to 1.” - C3P0 - Episode V - …and this is the basketball team’s outlook if they had to play soccer!
“Marching into the detention area is not what I had in mind!” - Han Solo - Episode IV - This is the response you get as you try and convince your pastor to join you for a Saints prison visit…
“This is not how I thought this day was going to go!” - Han Solo - Episode VII - This is said by the coach after the shortstop gets hurt, the sound system quits, or the bus decides it wants to overheat in Robinson, IL!
While I wait for George Lucas and Mark Hammil’s legal team to send a Death Star-sized lawsuit to my door, I hope you now see how traveling through rural America to go to prison is surprisingly similar to traveling through the universe with wookies and light sabers!
